31 October 2011

Six Ways to Make Her Go Weak in the Knees, and Seven to Make Her Swoon

In the spirit of the mysterious, list-loving king Agur of Proverbs 30, who considered the way of a man with a maiden as knowledge too profound, I give you six, no... seven ways to make your lady swoon, all smuggled from the Song of Solomon, chapter 1, verses 2 to 9, which I've translated below.


(She)
2  If only he would kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
        For the taste of your lovemaking is better than wine.
3  Like the rumor of your smell,
        so fragrant is your name;
        and thus the girls adore you.
   4  Lead me after you and let us run!
If only the king would take me to his chambers.

(Others)
We will celebrate and make merry over you;
        we will savor your love more than wine.

(She)
How right that they adore you!

    5  Dark am I but lovely,
O daughters of Jerusalem;
    dark as the tents of Qedar,
    lovely as the curtains of Solomon.

6  Do not stare at me because I am dark,
    for the sun has glared upon me.
    The sons of my mother burned against me;
    they made me the keeper of the vineyards.
    But my own vineyard I could not keep!

(She)
7  Tell me, O you whom my soul loves,
    Where do you shepherd your sheep?
    Where do you make them lay in the midday heat?
Lest I wander around
    by the flocks of your fellows.

      (He)
   8  If you do not know, O most beautiful of women,
    set yourself on the path of my sheep,
    and pasture your lambs
    by the tents of the shepherds.

9  As a mare among the chariots of Pharaoh
    do I imagine you, my Lady-Love.



And now, for  

Six Ways to Make Her Go Weak in the Knees
and
 Seven to Make Her Swoon

1. Kiss her like you mean it.
Do you think the Lover of the Song made his Lady sing in 1:1, “If only he would kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!” by giving her a total daily time count of 3 seconds of mouth to mouth contact, and that merely the facial handshake of the hello-goodbye kiss? Not. Likely. So reawaken your sense of romantic adventure; Kiss the girl, and kiss her like you mean it.

2. Tend to your smell.
No, not your body odor, as important as that is, but the smell of your reputation, which goes before you and announces who you are. Be a gentleman, and conduct yourself with virtue, both in your lady’s presence and apart, so that she may hear about you from others, and echo the words of the Lady of the Song in 1:3, “Like perfume poured out, so fragrant is your name.”

3. Lead your lady after you.
It’s what she really wants. Don’t be fooled by the pronouncements of the postmodern gender police, who insist that the only difference between men and women is in their plumbing. Not so. For within your lady’s heart, there sounds the call of 1:4, “Lead me after you and let us run!” Leading is never about the leader: it's always about those being led. So answer her call, chart out a course, and sweep her up into a shared adventure.

4. Deliver on your smell.
It’s one thing to play the gentleman in public, but quite another to pull it off in private. When the Lady of the Song sees her fellow maidens admiring her Lover, does she think this admiration is deserved? It's about being the same man everywhere you go. So next time you come home to your wife, pretend she has just been asked “Is it right that he is so admired?” Then go into the house and treat her in such a way that she can answer just like the Lady in 1:4. “How right they are to adore you!”

5. Become a connoisseur.
Every woman is unique, with a beauty all her own. Compared to the soft, powdered whiteness of the daughters of Jerusalem, the sun-darkened Lady of the Song seems a little out of place. But her Lover sees this as a distinctive of great worth, judging by his verbal caress in 1:8. “O most beautiful of women.” So take a cue from the Lover and develop a palate that is sensitive to your lady’s uniqueness, and begin to discover her as the most beautiful of women.

6. Arrange an oasis.
In her genius for romance, a lady will look for some way to diminish the hours spent apart, saying something like 1:7. “Tell me, O you whom my soul loves, where do you shepherd your sheep? Where do you lay them in the midday heat? Lest I wander around by the flocks of your fellows.” It is yours, my gentleman friends, to respond like the Lover: “Set yourself on the path of my sheep and pasture your lambs by the tents of the shepherds.” That is, “you needn’t go looking for me. I will arrange a place where I can find you.” So arrange a midweek oasis to meet with your own lady.

7. Own your admiration.
It may be that your lady can think of more complimentary comparisons than that which the Lover uses in 1:9. “As a mare among the chariots of Pharaoh, do I imagine you, my Lady-Love.” But dig a little deeper, and you’ll see what he’s getting at: “My Lady, you are so attractive that when you walk into a room full of men, it’s like someone has released a female horse on to a field of ready males: Goodbye composure; hello distraction.” Take a cue from the Lover and own your admiration. Speak to your Lady with creativity and honor her with complements that no others have received.

So Kiss her like you mean it, tend to your smell, lead your lady after you, deliver on your smell, become a connoisseur, arrange an oasis, and own your admiration. See if your lady’s knees don’t go a little weak. See if she doesn’t swoon.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thx brother, really appreciate it

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